While I must admit, I have been a very prideful arrogant person in the past, primarily my Marine Corps days. Over the years, the Lord has convicted me in this arena many times over, to the point that I would not consider myself prideful anymore, and then.....
As we are preparing to transition into ministry and move to Belize as full time independent missionaries, money is a vital part of life. I have always been a work-aholic, even from an early age. I will give my parents a lot of the credit for that, since they always told me, "If you want something you need to work for it!" With that in mind, my parents always provided for my "needs." Looking back, my definition differed from theirs tremendously. At around age 14 I started mowing the neighbors yards and by age 16 I held 2-3 jobs! Yes, and went to school. That mentality has carried with me for my entire life, if you want something, work for it! So even in the Marine Corps, I got a second job for a short time, and have often times had more than one job to provide for the needs and desires of my family. We have had some hard times over the years and I only thought those were times when God was squashing little chunks of my pride. I can count on one hand the times I needed to ask for help, financially, anyway.
As we sat down and put our needs down in financial terms to move to Belize and get set up, well, the number was greater than I can come up with on my own! I thought I had it all figured out with the high paying job I had and the opening of the parsonage at out home church....little bills, large paycheck....money to move! God had a different plan in mind! I was devastated when I lost said job. Now how am I going to get to Belize God?!
As we stared at the $27-30K figure in front of us, my first reaction was "OH MY!" Then it set in....Where is my faith, in myself or in God? I quickly recalled Christ and the Sermon on the Mount stating does your Heavenly Father not take care of the birds of the air, who do not sow or reap and the grass of the field? Uh, yes sir!!! I can look back over the years and count numerous times where the Lord provided for us and always took care of us, we never missed a meal, always had shelter and in all reality even many of our wants were included into all those times as well. So why now is it so hard?
As I was sharing this with a dear friend of mine, he looked at me and said, "Sometimes we have to get rid of our PRIDE Dan." Wait, I'm not really a prideful person. As I have began the transition to a ministry mindset and hitting the delete button on my old ways and many worldview mindsets, it is pride holding me back! I will need to present our vision, purpose and plan of action to numerous churches, pastors and friends and family. Those of you who know me, I have no problem talking, even in front of a large crowd so that isn't hard, but to ask for a large sum of money? To ask for monthly support? Ok, so here is yet another time in my life where God is growing me. I am so grateful for the close friends and even family members that I have shared this with and have helped me understand that it is my pride and if I am struggling with this, then where is my FAITH!! Not in so many words but in the simple statements of "Do you know this is God's Holy will for your life?", "Do you have the faith that He can and will provide for all your needs?" Well of course, so friends, please pray that every ounce of pride, in this situation and all others in my life be demolished, today!
I have felt that if we truly hand our lives over to God at the time we are born again, then why or how does it creep back into our lives over time? May we all be truly dependent on God, and even more thankful and grateful to Him for all He does give to us and provide us with!
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